Wednesday, December 24, 2003

Happy Christmas Eve! I can't believe that Christmas is only a couple of hours away. I have been so blessed these couple of days, getting cards and gifts from unexpected people. It's nice to know that you are cared about. Like for instance Brynn and her mom have blessed me so much these last couple of days. They got me a box of chocolate covered strawberries from California, then they got me a gift box of bath and body works with the lotion, bath gel, etc. Then on top of all of that Brynn and two of her friends offered to washed my car today and did!
We went to a Christmas party tonight that was for the cousins on my moms side, I had fun with mom and my friend Jason getting a new outfit. Jason called me up today to see what I was doing, since he is studying to be a doctor at U of A he comes to Phoenix every once in awhile and when he does we go to the mall, it is quite funny. He told me that he is actually going to go spend time with our good friend Jojo in London for the break, I was like no fair! I want to go hang out with you too!
Oh I have to share a dream I had a couple of days ago: I dreamt that I was driving in the car with my parents, I fell out of the car and rolled onto a grassy area, a black and white dog came by and started biting and attacking me. I am normally not afriad of dogs but this dog terrified me! I was so scared of him! My dad saw how scared I was and sent me to a pyscho ward, I was in the building and I couldn't find my dad. I called him but he didn't answer, then there were lots of people coming in making lots of noise and I just sat down screaming my dad's name but he wasn't there, he left me there. For some reason I have been thinking about this a lot and I start getting teary eyed. I told my mom and she had my dad come in my room to tell him. I told him about the dream and then he said this: Cela, the day I took you to Remuda and they had to stick a tube up your nose was the worst day in my life. To see my daughter with fear in her eyes and I can't do anything about it is the worst feeling in the world, plus having to leave you there at that moment was so hard. I didn't even think of that situation, but I started crying. He prayed for me, and then said, you wouldn't have been scared of the dog if your mastiff was with you, huh? I said no, it would have attacked him! Anyways, it was a crazy dream.
Well I am going to watch It's a Wonderful Life with my family. I love Christmas time!

Wednesday, December 17, 2003

I am totally baked out with week, I made ginger bread cookies yesterday along with the walls and roof of a gingerbread house, all from scratch mind you, woo wee I am dreaming about baking. It's funny though because as soon as I was done with the cookies I went to Brynn's to make her dinner, my place is in the kitchen and I am not even married yet! Putting up the walls in my gingerbread house was a test of my patience let me tell you, I couldn't figure out how to make the walls stick up and not fall down, I think I screamed a couple of times out of frustration. Anyways, I finally figured out to put cardboard to help the walls stay up, it's worked I'm a genius! Just kidding. So tonight I really didn't have anything planned for dessert so I remembered that we still had cookie dough. It's so funny that even though there weren't very many youth at group tonight they were all very grateful for dessert. Rob even said that whoever I marry is going to be one lucky man because he will get the best dessert and food. Isn't that nice of him to say? Where is that man though is my question? I get told things like this all the time, ok Lord help me be patience, I can wait I really can! Luke totally blessed me tonight because he didn't even make the dessert but he was willing to clean up after us, what a great servant. And two other great servants were Jake R. and Z-Diddy! They helped pass out the dessert and where gracious enough to finish off the dessert that we had left, what neat hearts they have! :)

Monday, December 15, 2003

I took my car to get an emission test today, I was so nervous! Silly thing to worry about, I think it was because Daddy said something about IF my car passes the test, then something but IF NOT then we will have to get it fixed. I just didn't want the have to get my car fixed again or have it not pass. So I went to Walmart to go get my angel tree gift, I got distracted: my foster brother is coming next week and he likes skateboards so I got him two mini skateboards to decorate his room with. Then I found a cool gift for my brother. I left and then realized I totally forgot my angel tree gift! Luckily there was another store on the way home that had what she wanted. I picked up Brynn early today and we made chicken enchiladas for dinner, she turned on the radio and said lets dance! So I started dancing with her then she says be the audience silly! Oh well you forgot to tell me that one! So she danced for one song and then it was my turn, it was kind of fun. Girl's group tonight was fun, we made fajitas for the girls. I was embarrassed because my tortillas were flaky. It was cute because Kristen brought after dinner mints, she was really trying to say that we had STINKY breath, but in a polite way. So I have a prayer request: I need prayer that I will be more compassionate and loving towards my brother. We haven't been getting along lately and it's not good for the either of us. I am making him not want to be at home. I don't want to be known as the evil "real" sister, and I don't want to have my brother hate me. I want to show him love I just don't know how sometimes. I get more on his nerves than I do getting to really show my love. So Lord, I please pray that you will be in this situation. I pray that you will give me your love to pour onto my brother and to back off when the I need to back off. Help my words and actions be that of love and not of condemnation or judgment. I pray that my brother will someday trust me enough to want to confide in me with things and that we will be able to love each other like we are supposed to. Lord please forgive me for being a jerk. You know I don't mean the things I say, they just come out wrong. I pray that my brother will realize that too, please be with him tonight Lord and please let him know that you love him so much. Thanks.

Sunday, December 14, 2003

I am so tired today, I didn't get much sleep last night because I spent the night at Brynn's house. I wasn't tired when we came home at ten so I decided to watch Sleepless in Seattle. It made me cry, man I am getting weaker crying at the bat of an eye, hee hee. No its not getting weaker cuz I am dealing with emotions, right? Whatever, so her cat was attacking me all night, he kept trying to cuddle with me, normally it would be cool, but I'm allergic! I could feel myself getting itchy and teary eyed. I ended up going to bed at one, very good movie by the way. I normally don't admit to watching girly movies but you all caught me! So to make things more interesting the house was so cold I thought I turned up the heater but I was freezing! I had at least three blankets and was still cold, I think it was 62 degrees in the house, no wonder! So needless to say I was getting up every hour to check the heater and the kitty kept bothering me, isn't it all lovely. And then sweet Brynn gets up at 5:30 a.m. and is ready to play. God sure does have a great sense of humor. Brynn at the Christmas party got a picture frame that had the words friends on it, so she wanted to find a picture of her an her mom having a good time having fun. We found a cool picture of them by a waterfall it was perfect with the green background. Today at church I was shocked to have Allyson come up with blond hair in the front of her head, she looked a little like Rogue from the Xmen. I shouldn't have been surprised because she told me on Thursday that she was going to do it. It will take a little getting used to but that's fine. So after lunch with Hannah, I came home and first went to the couch to watch football with the boys but I was asleep even before the first play, then I went to bed to sleep for a total of three hours. I really needed that. So it was dinner time, and there was a great Sylvester Stallone movie, demolition Man! When I was in my bed there was a gangster movie, called Amongst Friends that was on, it was great. My brothers said that they think it is funny that I like those kind of movies, like it is out of character for me or something. Well they are some things that are shocking about Cela, that is one of them! Well it must be a movie night for me because the boys just got The Gladiator, another one of my favorites! Hooray! Have a good night!

Tuesday, December 09, 2003

Tonight in my educational psychology class I realized that some people are just so mean! We did a presentation last week on different types of disorders I had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, the other three girls had RAD, ADD, and ADHD. We did a game as kind of an icebreaker, it didn't really relate to what we were talking about but it was fun. So anyways, we get our evaluation/critique from our fellow classmates, it was funny because one person said that the game had nothing to with the presentation so that was distracting, another person said that me and my friend weren't dressed professional enough, (I had on nice jeans a nice shirt but I was wearing my jacket sorry but I get cold, I shouldn't have to explain or justify my actions) I think it is just silly though one person said that we were looking at the power point too much and that we didn't know how to spell. I don't know what kind of mood some people were in that night but seriously, how hurtful! I mean we are supposed to be building each other up, encouraging one another, not breaking our spirits and tearing us down. My group members were ready to go in the class and see who said those things, they started talking bad about the people who wrote those things, I couldn't join in because I knew that would be wrong too, I tried to be like hey guys it's just a couple of people. I just want to pray for those people instead of getting angry. Lord, if I have offended someone in my class or have done something that they didn't like forgive me. I pray for the people who said hurtful things to our group, Father I pray that you will give them an extra dose of your love. Let them know that regardless of their actions or words they are still precious in your eyes.

Monday, December 08, 2003

I was going through my hopeless chest tonight trying to find pictures of my famile for Brynn's mom to see, and I found some of the pictures that Nik and I took together. I really miss her, I know she is going through a tough time right now but I wish that I could be there with her to help her get through everything. I was thinking of writing her a letter and it would go something like this:
Hey there, I am just writing to say hi and that I really miss you. I have been praying for you ever since your mom called me. I wish I could take away what happened but God has a purpose for everything even though we may not understand it. I want to tell you though that I am not going to feel differently about you or condemn you in anyway, I just want to love you but I will give you space so that you can handle this in your own way. I also want to tell you that in order to feel forgiveness you have to forgive yourself, I can't imagine how hard it is to go through something like this but the family has forgiven you, God has forgiven you, it's time for you to forgive you. I know there is no quick solution to make you better so I will continue to pray. I hope though that this isn't the end of our friendship, I hope that you someday will let me back into your life, I hope that if need be I can cry with you, pray with you, or just sit in silence with you. I miss having you as a friend, and it kills me that I can't do more to help you out. I love you so much, I always have and always will. I pray that God will give you the strength to make it through each day. I pray that when you wake up in the morning you don't dread the day, but will embrace it because there are so many different opportunities to be blessed. I pray that you will always know that God is with you and he loves you. Take care my friend, you are in my prayers.

Friday, December 05, 2003

I was thinking today as I said goodbye to the kids at my internship of how Jesus must of loved and cared for the kids. Ms. Denne my teacher told the kids that this was going to be my final day. All the kids came around me and started to hug me, saying goodbye, and that they will miss me. I was thinking for a brief moment, oh no is this ok, can I let them hug me? But I was like this is how they are showing their affection, I don't care what happens I am going to let these kids love on me because I care about each and every one. They all started saying that they love me and are going to miss me, one said I will miss you but I'm not going to be sad. I said, I will! I almost cried because two of the little boys where trying to lock me with pretend handcuffs so that I wouldn't go away. How precious is that?! I was totally blessed by the kids, I am so glad that I went back.

Thursday, December 04, 2003

I am so excited finals are almost over! YEAH! Then it's only three more semesters and I am done with school, well for a little while anyways. But it is nice to finally get to say that I get to graduate. It seems like this process is and has been taking so long. I guess though that surgeries are kind of important and taking off school was probally the best thing to do, but still. I am really going to miss my kindergarten class, I know I've said that already but I didn't get a chance to properly say goodbye. I'm going to go in tommorrow to pick up my evalutions and tell the kids that I will miss seeing them. I feel like I'm going to cry, they were such a great group. I know that this happens with teachers but I don't know if I can handle it. I think I am just going to be a big baby at the end of each school year because I won't get to see the kids in my class again.
I am very excited though about my nanny job, Brynn's mom is asking me so many questions about life and different things about me it is neat because I can share with her the little I know and my different life experiences which has been quite a bit for a 23 year old. The most exciting to me was in the beginning she was afraid to pray with me and Brynn before dinner and now she isn't shy anymore because I'm kind of like one of the family. I love it when Brynn says that I am a part of the family, makes me feel special. I get in these silly moods sometimes and I asked Brynn every ten minutes or so, "have I told you in the last three or four minutes that I love you?" hee hee, she rolls her eyes and says, "yes, you told me like a billion times!" Sometimes I wish that I wrestle and run around the house with her but I get scared because of my hip. I have dreams sometimes that I am running on an open field or a track and it feels so good to be able to run, to not be sick anymore. Some day though I will be able to do that again, I know because I have a God who watches out for me, who tells me to not give up hope. I am just building my perservance and it's fun to share war stories with older people, oh honey you don't even know what pain is! Oh yeah? Try me, ha ha. Anyways, I need to keep practicing my song for Sunday. Lord thanks for being so merciful and good to me, you have carried me through a lot of different battlefields, I know you have a plan and purpose for my life, help me to follow you in everything I do, say, and think. I love you Daddy.

Monday, December 01, 2003

Well we are off to a wonderful week so far! I can't believe it is already December. My mother surprised us all yesterday by taking out the tree (artifical), putting up the lights, and decorating the house! Last year we didn't put up the tree till a couple of days before Christmas, I like this way though because I am actually looking forward to Christmas this year. I took my grandparent's out for lunch today, I called my grandma last week to see if she was available today and she didn't even look at her calendar she says, "is 11:30 good for you?"hee hee. We went to Souper Salad which is one of their favorite places to eat. My grandpa kept saying, God has a special place in heaven for you Cela. I didn't want to be like I know he does and get all prideful, ya know? I just smiled and said that taking them out to eat is just something that I like doing, he was fine with that answer. It made me think though, is there things in my life that I do just to say I do stuff like that? For instance do I nanny or take care of kids to make myself look good or to build myself up? Or do I help out with things at church or the youth just to say that I am on a ministry team? I hope not, that to me seems like I think I am all that and more and that's not at all what I am trying to say. I just want to do what God wants me to do in my life, and right now those things are what's in my life. I really don't want it to be about me, I am just trying to do what God does, bless his children! Besides working with youth and kids is a very humbling experience because you can't get away with anything, they will tell you how it is whenever they feel like it! Grandparent's do that too. And when I find myself getting prideful or whatever God is always there to gently remind me, "honey it is so not about you! (hee hee) It's so all about me, give the credit where the credit is due! I love you silly girl!" I love God for that reason.