Monday, March 29, 2004

What a fun day it's been! I got to go to school at 7:00 this morning, which is the hardest thing to do because I don't learn well when I'm sleepy, but I also got some homework done (yeah being productive, I prayed in our group on Sunday that those of us who are in school wouldn't be procrastinators) and I got to go shopping! I was so happy because I needed to books for my Literature class so I went to Barnes and Noble well I thought that I had only 7 dollars on a certificate that I had so I would pay three dollars for my books, but I had 17! Not like it is a real big deal but I didn't have to pay! One kiss from the King. And then I went to Abecrombie because once again I thought I had 7 dollars on my certifcate so I got a cute shirt from the kids abercrombie, they have clothes that fit me which is sad. Anyways I got another kiss from the King because I again had 17 dollars so I ended up paying a dollar which is awesome!
I am so excited because my mom's birthday is coming up, my dad and I set up a day of relaxing and treatements at Dolce Salon and Spa, and I get to get a facial too! It will be fun mom/daughter time, maybe we will make a beautiful moment of our own. hee hee.
Gabe had an award ceremony tonight for making all state for Soccer, it was nice because his coach who is also the english teacher wrote a descriptive paragragh of how Gabe was such an awesome leader and player. It made us proud that Gabe got such an honor. I was trying not to sit to close to him at the dinner because we don't like people to think we are dating, ha ha. Then he takes my hand and kisses it or sits closer just because. Silly boy.

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

Wow, lots of stuff happening this week. Danny just told me that I'm not going to singing this quarter and possibly ever again. He said that there are so many singers so he has to not use some of them. He said that it didn't have anything to do with my singing ability. I just want to cry though because I looked forward to my times singing with the worship team, I really enjoyed getting to know each and every one of them. I just feel like I am losing something so precious to me. I still can sing with the youth so that is comforting but what happens when I am to old for that? I almost already am. Well here we go onto a different phase of my life, and I want to keep my head up and trust God that though this isn't easy he knows what he is doing. Lord: please help me to trust you for everything that is going on but especially for my job and singing with the worship team.

Monday, March 22, 2004

I am reminded everyday how God really has my hopes and desires in his mind. Even though it seems like a lonely time, I am reminded of people who do love me a lot. I have had friendship restored and that is such a blessing. And no matter what I know that Jojo, Jason, and Jose will always be there for me. What I love about Jason is that he is very motivated: he is studying to be a doctor he said when we were at Grand Canyon that he wasn't going to have a girlfriend until after he graduates med school, and all three of the boys said that but Jason is the only one to follow through. And he is the best shopper ever, I like going to the mall with him so he can tell me what looks good or suggest a new outfit idea, and he calls whenever he is free just to see how I'm doing. Jose: I can always talk to him about whats going on in life and different stuff like that. It hasn't happened recently because he is a busy man now, but we used to have a tradition of seeing each other for Cinco de Mayo and New Year's Eve. My favorite thing to do with him is to go dancing because he is amazing, and even though I can't dance as well as he does he makes me feel like I am the greatest dancer ever. I will never forget the time when all three of them came to Remuda when I was in treatment to have a worship session with me, that was so special. Jojo: he calls me his sister and if I had an older brother I would want him to be like Jojo. We could do everything and anything together and not get bored. I remember at school once where we sat in the piano room for at least three hours, Jojo and I would play worship music or he would teach me a song in his language (Ghanian?). He said that when he gets married he wants the woman's name to be Destiny Eve. Because destiny will bring them together and Eve was the name of the first woman. Jojo called me today and he told me about a dream he had a couple of nights ago:
I (Jojo) was studying by the pool and this girl walks up to me and says she's looking for her Jojo. I hadn't told her my name so I thought that was kind of strange. I was trying to study so I really couldn't talk but I couldn't keep my eyes off of her. She then got nervous and asked what I was looking at, I told her "I can't keep my eyes off you!" "What's your name?" She said, "Destiny, my names Destiny." I couldn't hide my joy! After awhile I took her to Cela's house and introduced her to Destiny, well Cela heard that name and started jumping up and down, "your the one!" Even though it was only a dream Jojo says that it gives him a reason to hope. I told him that if he ever does bring Destiny over I think I will either scream or start crying with joy, he said he already knew that. hee hee. I love my three J's, and I am glad that God has kept them in my life.

Sunday, March 21, 2004

Here at the house we just shared a beautiful moment together. Dad got some cigars while he was in California this last weekend and he told the boys as a special treat that they would smoke them together. I don't know but just to see the boys get so excited to try smoking a cigar with dad was so great! It was cute how they were making smoke rings and taking pictures. Like I said it was a beautiul moment of father/son bonding time. Daddy let me try the cigar but I got laughed at because I got the smallest amount possible and when I tried to make a smoke ring I just made a poof, it was funny but I didn't like the taste, eww! Then after all that happened we sat and prayed as a family. I like times like that they are what life is all about.

We talked about taking risks today, I think a risk for me right now would be to allow someone to become a friend to me. I'm so scared that I will give all that I can to make them feel special and important only to be hurt and disappointed in the end by them leaving or not caring for me as much as I do them. Does that make sense? I hope so.

I was let go today of my nannying job, it's kind of strange. I am happy because Shara wants to become a mom for reals now, and that's the best thing she could do for Brynn. But I am sad because I won't be able to be with Brynn anymore, if I'd of known that I wouldn't be seeing her again I would have given her an extra hug. I don't think that she will be out of my life whatsoever. It's funny because they were trying to find someone to work on Sundays to take care of Brynn, I pretended to cry and said "why do you want to replace me?!" And now she is the only one who gets to take care of Brynn since she is available on Sundays. I hope that she loves Brynn a lot. I will miss that family, I knew that God put me there for a reason even if it was only for a little while. I will still be in touch with them, maybe invite them to church once in awhile. Lord, I pray that you will be with Brynn and Shara, help Shara learn how to love her little girl like she deserves to be loved. Help Brynn grow up to be an awesome woman of God, and I pray that Shara will become a leader in her house. I give them both up to you to watch and protect, thanks for letting me be apart of their lives for a little while.

Friday, March 19, 2004

It's midnight and I can't sleep, I hate it when that happens. Lately it has been happening more and more. Silly reasons, like a stuffy nose and not being able to breathe at night or hearing Baunders collar as she walks in the house, or an intense itchy spell where I am scratching all night, I wonder if God is trying to tell me something. Maybe he wants me to be praying or something during those times.
It has been a relaxing break though, almost to relaxing to the point where I am almost getting lazy. Been reading and watching movies. I also figured out how to make a Caribbean passion drink like at Jamba Juice, well Hannah and I discovered that last weekend. I have been realizing lately how important it is to have a good set of friends and fellowship, I've been a little out of the loop lately because I have a job that has me work nights (well part of the night) and I feel like I am missing something. Sometimes I ask my brother if I can go hang out with the guys at guys group which is silly because it's a guy's group, I just want to have friends too! I am excited about starting a girl's group of our own soon with Hannah, I think that will help with the fellowship with girl's my age and getting fed spiritually. I miss having someone to pray and cry with, or just to tell about my day. I miss times of hanging out with nothing to talk about but still we end up talking forever. I miss Sharon and Jen. I miss Nicole. It hurts when people who are so dear to you leave for whatever reason, I know though that real friends love at all times no matter where they are. I'm getting to know my family better though through this which is an amazing blessing. The other day Gabe out of the blue came up and asked me about something that was bothering him. Mom and I can talk about almost anything, I go and help her in her classroom now which is so much fun because those kindergarten kids show me that kids have a special place in God's heart. Andre and I like watching trading spaces or ambush makeover together, don't tell him I said that. :) It's fun because we get lots of ideas for looking good and making your house look good too! Dad is such an awesome man, he has been making it a point to take Andre and I to lunch every week or one of us at least and that is his time to see how we are doing, and to see what he can pray for us about. At that 4f group the other night something that I thought was really neat was that all the kids got with their parents and prayed for each other. I know that my mom and dad pray for me all the time and I don't know what I would do if they didn't. Their prayers are keeping me going, and what better way to show love? It's just awesome. Well I am sleepy (didn't I say that already?) so I better try and rest. I want to go and see if my Ruthie is still around at the nursing home tomorrow, I haven't been there in forever because I am afraid that she won't be there when I come, but death isn't a bad thing, especially if you are 92. I just pray that I can see her before she goes to tell her that I love her so much and how much joy she brought into my life even though I am just a kid in her eyes, she is another one of those people that have blessed me more than I have her.

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

I feel so unworthy at times to even call your name
You went through so much suffered and died, and even
if it ws only me you still would make that choice
Why do I worship? Because you are my everything,
you are the only one who shows what unconditional love is all about.
You are the only one who would willingly die for me.
If that isn't deserving of worship I don't know what

Your the best thing I ever had
the only thing I need.

You picked me up when I was weak,
You helped me when I fall
Your always there to comfort me,
No matter what I've done.
You are my Father, lover, friend
You'll never let me go
I thank you for loving me
and sending me your son.

I get so excited when youth step up to the bat and do stuff that are out of the ordinary for them. Tonight when Zach and Jake were praying I felt so proud of them like they had just won a medal of honor in the army or something like that. As I was talking to Hannah about it later I just wanted to cry, I love it that these youth are going to be the future men of our church. I love it that now they can pray to God and not worry about what their peers will think and even if they do care they were willing to pray anyways. I love it that they are being men and showing us how cool it is to be a man following God.