Monday, August 30, 2004

I have realized through out these past few weeks that God is wanting me to let go of a lot of hurts/pains and let Him become my everything. Like on the outside I am strong and can handle anything but that's so not true, I am very weak and maybe I am just to prideful to show it or something but God wants to take that from me and it is a little scary. You would think it would be easy to say here God take this and this, but for some reason it's extremely difficult to let him have everything. It's like an open wound that you keep picking at the scab and it can't heal because you keep picking at it. So now it's time to really trust God and get past these wounds and to let them heal with his help. It's time to tell God that I am helpless without him, that I can't fight this fight on my own and that I need him.
Lord:I need you so much right now, I need to let my past not hinder my relationship with you. I want you to have my everything, I want you to be ruler over my life. I want to truly forgive those who have hurt me and I want to let go, I don't want to be stuck in this place anymore. I want to be strong but only with you by my side. So Lord I am going to ask specifically to help me in these areas:
Getting arthritis at such a young age
Having my friends move to another State and country
Getting into a relationship just to fill a void in my life
In Remuda the first day when I was told that I wouldn't need a tube to help me eat, the first thing they did was give me one and just watching my father looking helpless as he was leaving.
Being ashamed and guilty for even having to go to a place like Remuda.
Losing friends because of misunderstandings.
Not being able to do things that my friends can do in regards to sports and different activities becasuse of my surgeries.

I want these things not to be apart of me anymore, I mean that it doesn't hurt when I think of them. I need there to be a peace in my life when it comes to these things. I need God to be my strength. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (1 Cor 12:8)

Lord, I take these things and I lay them at your feet. I don't want them to be a part of me no more. Help me to just let go and move on, help me not think that I can do it on my own either. Thanks for your patience with me and for your love.

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Let's talk about funny things that happened today: So Amy and I were talking about if it's illegal in Arizona to drive without your shoes on. So I was wondering if it would be legal to take a bath in oranges in California, so I asked Johnathan. He said, "it's only illegal if you get caught, but it's
not easy to get caught when you're looking for somebody who's smaller than an orange."
Then Johnathan asked if it was illegal to make a treehouse in a cactus, I said "it's only illegal if you use the needles as nails." I know we totally don't make sense but that's the beauty of it.

So the other funny thing is that we were watching Troy at the dollar theater tonight and there was this guy who was sitting by himself, that's not the funny part. He was totally talking to himself and when Brad would kill a guy he would bust up laughing! And it wasn't quiet, it was so loud!!! He had a funny laugh so it made us laugh too. He didn't do this just once but multiple times, maybe he was just trying to make the movie more interesting but I didn't think it needed help. It was so funny though!!!

Sunday, August 22, 2004

Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord
O Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive to
my cry for mercy.

If you, O Lord, kept a record of sins,
O Lord, who could stand?
But with you there is forgiveness
therefore you are feared.

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
My soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning.

O Israel, put your hope in the Lord,
for with the Lord is unfailing love
and with him is full redemption.
He himself will redeem Israel
from all their sins. (Psalm 130)

I am so thankful that we have a God who doesn't keep a record of sins because I would be in so much trouble!! It's interesting to me that God doesn't keep records of sins but at times people do. Like I haven't felt guilty or ashamed enough about my sins? Regardless it's just completely amazing to know that no matter how bad I mess up that I will always have a God who will repeatedly wash them away and hold me in his arms to comfort me. Why? Why me? I don't know. Forgiveness is the act of pardoning, to give up resentment of, to cease to feel resentment against. How come as humans this is so difficult? Why is it that we say we have forgiven someone and find out a little while later that there is still some weirdness with that person? All I know is that relationships are always worth restoring. Life is all about learning how to love, God wants us to treasure our relationships and make the effort to maintain them instead of discarding them whenever there is a rift, a hurt, or a conflict. As a result of forgiveness the relationship grows stronger and people learn what real love is all about. God has a purpose behind every problem he allows us to go through our trials in order for us to grow and learn through them. And he uses circumstances to develop our character. It's weird because some of our most personal and intimate times with God are when we go through the tough stuff. It's during these times that we pray the most authentic, heartfelt, honest to God prayers. When we're in pain, we don't have the energy for meaningless prayers. ya kow?
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Our time in God's Word is one of the most important aspects of our lives, and it should be covered in prayer. God's Word is food for our souls. We can't live without it. "Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God" (Matt 4:4). If we are not continually fed with God's Word, we will starve spiritually. I know for me this is so true because I can live the life of christain but what kind of life is it when you're not growing at all? Here is a great prayer that we all need to reflect on:
Lord, I thank you for your Word. "Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path." It is food to my soul, and I can't live without it. Enable me to truly comprehend its deepest meaning. Give me greater understanding than I have ever had before, and reveal to me the hidden treasures buried there. I pray that I will have a heart that is teachable and open to what you want me to know. I desire you instruction. Teach me so I may learn. Help me to be diligent to put your Word inside my soul faithfully every day. Show me where I'm wasting time that could be better spent reading your Word. Give me the ability to memorize it. Etch it in my mind, and heart. Make it become a part of me. Change me as I read it. Help me to apply my heart to your instructions and my ears to your Word of knowledge. May your Word correct my attitude and remind me of what my purpose is on earth. May it cleanse my heart and give me hope that I can rise above my limitations. May it increase my faith and remind me of who you are and how much you love me. May it bring security of knowing my life is in your hands and you will supply all my needs. Thank you, Lord, that when I look into your Word I find you. Help me to know you better through it. Give me ears to recognize your voice speaking to me every time I read it. Guide, perfect, and fill me with your Word this day.

I noticed more and more that prayer is one of the most importanat things in my life right now. Like if I forget to pray about something I feel like I am missing something. And I am because I miss talking to God. I think it's real important to lift people up in prayer everyday so that they can have an extra support while they are going through life. I can see through two of my friends how prayer is working already by just praying that their work days will go well. So I encourage everyone to talk a little time to talk to God and let him know what's up or how things are going. Also take time to praise and just worship him through prayer because he is so worthy.

Saturday, August 07, 2004

If you ever want to have a relaxing day I would definitely recommend going tubing down the Salt Lake River, it is the best experience ever! Like you don't have to do anything but work on your tan or burn in my case. Parts of it are slow and then some parts are fast rapids that make it more fun and exciting because you feel like you are doing something adventurous. The best part is if you go with a group of friends you can all sit and hang out together. I don't know why I haven't done that before I was telling my friend Amy, like the canyons are just amazingly beautiful. I love God for making his creation so enjoyable. Thanks God for making my day!!

Friday, August 06, 2004

I've been taking care of the dog that the people I nanny for have and I couldn't remember when I was supposed to take him home. Usually I stay over there at the house but I was already away from my family too long so Rebel came home with me for a couple of days. Anyways, it was kind of funny because yesterday I get a call from the dad asking where their dog is. I forgot they were coming home! I felt so silly! I was told later that the boys were very nervous because they thought their dog got dognapped or something like that. The were running around the house calling Rebel's name! Their mom was like why would a dognapper take all Rebel's toys, food, and stuff if he was in a hurry? I was like, I'm sorry I have the dog! I just wanted to see my family! I missed them! Anyways, I was glad to get to see the boys again we had lots of fun playing Xbox today.
I am really missing my Team from Ireland, luckily thanks to email and MSN I talk to most them everyday. It's weird to think that we were just together last week. I love being home but a part of me is expecting my team to walk in and come to hang out with me. Now we have memories and pictures to help us remeniesce. Why is it so lonely being home? That's the oddest thing to me! I look forward to every email or chat time that I have with my teammates. Funny thing is Missy lives here and I miss her too. I'm a sad little lady I know. Being on the subject of friends reminds me of a poem my sister Sharon gave to me awhile ago by Emily Matthews:

You're a FRIEND Who's Meant to Be

Sometimes when two people meet,
they simply seem to know
That, in their hearts,
a deep and lasting friendship soon will grow....
They're truly kindred spirits,
feeling free to give and share
The gifts of joy and laughter,
of warmth and gentle care.
And when you've found a friend like that,
you soon will come to see
How fortunate you are to have
a friend who's "meant to be!"

We share a special friendship and I know we always will. For the caring bond between our hearts keeps growing deeper still. Your warmth and understanding all you are and all you do. Remind me what a joy it is to have a friend like you.

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

I hate it when you get up super early and can't get back to bed, it happened to me this morning. I didn't go to bed till 1 and I got up at 6! ARGH! No fair!
I went to see what's going on with my registration today for school, my counselor yelled at me because she thought that I had only taken one science and she had told me a couple of times that I needed to get two sciences done before third semester, because I failed sciences my freshman year. It was just a really bad year, I still have to pay for it weird how that works. I was confused because I knew I took them. Luckily after I called her on it I was right, I just don't like getting yelled at.
Daddy took me to lunch today, I look forward to Dad times during the week because we can talk about everything. I think it is so important if you are a parent to spend time with your kids individually, my dad does a good job at this. I got to eat Mexican food which I had been craving for a couple of weeks in Ireland.
In youth group tonight I was given the opportunity to pray with a girl who was having some problems, I thought it was the greatest thing that she was comfortable enough with me to share her struggles, God is so cool in how he asks us to do his work. Like I loved being in a different country but God is using us in our own country as well! That's so cool! Right on!
I was also blessed by some of the youth coming up to me and telling me that they missed seeing me around. How awesome is that?! Oh the cutest thing in the world was when I saw my brother Gabe when I got home from Ireland and he told me that he had learned a new song on the piano. It was one of my favorites and he learned it!! It was Only Hope from A Walk to Remember. So cute my brothers are. I really did miss them a lot.
Lord, thank you for a fantastic day. Thank you for kisses from the king, the little blessings you give to us each and every day. Thank you for family, friends, and most importantly your love. I love you so much!!!

Monday, August 02, 2004

I can't believe how fast three weeks goes, I loved being in Ireland. It's gorgeous there. It's so hard for me to fathom that people don't believe in God when it is more than evident in his creation in nature. I loved seeing green everything quite a constrast from our desert life here in Arizona. I was so blessed to have some amazing team members who served in the same town in Portadown with me. Emma and Colin were perfect for the leader job, they challenged us to make this trip more than just serving the children but also to work on our spiritual walks and the importance of unity in our team. I really enjoyed getting to know some people from Ireland besides our leaders: Laura is a sweet woman who is very wise for her age I loved chatting with her, Elaine who is a sweet loving gentle spirit who is a joy to be around, Alex who is like my Irish little brother who if I could I would take him home with me cuz he is so much fun. Then I was blessed to get to know people from America as well: Lyndsey who can make anybody laugh no matter what the situation is, Joy who is fun to hangout I love her humor, Alyssa who is so talented with kids and is good at making friends with all kinds of people, Max who is quiet but wise beyond his youth, and Johnathan who is fun to talk to because we have gone through a lot of the same stuff. I love my team and I know it wasn't by chance that we came together it was totally a God thing. Lord, I thank you for the relationships that have developed throughout these past three weeks. I thank you for bringing Emma, Colin, Laura, Elaine, Alex, Lyndsey, Joy, Alyssa, Max and Johnathan into my life. I pray Lord that our friendships with continue to grow even though we can't see each other everyday, I pray that we will continue to lift each other up in prayer through the day. Thank you Lord for all you have done in Portadown and what you are still doing. Love you.